I’m excited to be hosting Poetry Friday this week. If you don’t know what Poetry Friday is, check out this post from Renee LaTulippe.
Even though there are signs of fall in the air, I’m still basking in the warmth of summer sun, especially now that the temperatures are a bit cooler and the humidity is down. One of my favorite activities at the beach is getting up early to catch the first rays of sunshine. On my last morning, I was a bit late, but the sun was hiding, so I was able to catch it coming through the clouds. I started a poem, but it definitely needed more attention. I found some help from my poetry group, the Nevermores. We are studying line breaks, and Marcie suggested a revision exercise from Maggie Smith called “Make it and Break it.” (It appears in the book The Practicing Poet: Writing Beyond the Basics edited by Diane Lockward). The idea is to shift to prose to focus on the music of the poem, then when you are satisfied with how it sounds, returning to line breaks to decide how the poem will move. I did this and came up with a few different versions. Here’s one:
Catching the Sun in the Grey Fog of Morning
In the not-quite light
I stride to the edge of the sea
where tide meets moon-cooled sand.
Morning mist casts a shroud of uncertainty
over possibility
in a blue-grey sky above a hidden horizon.
Sand pipers and gulls
go about their business, undeterred.
It’s there, but where?
A pause to breathe, to set intentions,
to rekindle what we know to be true
before the ribbon of light rips through…
rising,
rising,
rising to begin.
Draft, 2024RoseCappelli
I know I used this picture in a previous post, but it’s from this experience.
Hope you will join us today. You can leave your link with Mister Linky.
Imagine the Possibilities 
“Moon-cooled sand” is lovely, and “rekindle” is a terrific verb there. Thanks for hosting, Rose, and for sharing your revision process.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Tabatha.
LikeLike
I love that “not quite light.” Beautiful!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Marcie. Same poem but a different structure that the one you saw before. Such fun to experiment with line breaks.
LikeLike
Your clearly considered word choice and concern for line breaks are invaluable assets to bring with you when writing a poem, Rose. Your second stanza sang to me-‘Morning mist casts a shroud of uncertaintyover possibilityin a blue-grey sky above a hidden horizon.’
These words fall into the category of words I wish I had written…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for your high praise, Alan. I’m honored.
LikeLike
Oh, Rose, thank you for sharing how this lovely poem came to be. You bring me right back to the ocean that I love, and with this line, “before the ribbon of light rips through…”, wow! Thanks for hosting!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Linda.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a beautiful title perfectly followed with that first line… So much craft is evident here. And beautiful tranquility. Thank-you for sharing. And for hosting. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Kat.
LikeLike
You had me at “moon-cooled sand”… just lovely. I appreciate the mingling of lyrical language with a subject that’s so relatable to anyone who has ever ventured out on a beach simply looking for the sun behind clouds! Thanks for sharing, and thanks for hosting this week. Enjoy the last sunrises of summer before Fall calls!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Robyn. You, too!
LikeLike
Pingback: Poetry Friday: Time for Student Poetry | Reflections on the Teche
Thanks for hosting us! The end of your poem sounds like something Amanda Gorman would write! I can hear those words in her strong voice!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Mary Lee! That’s certainly high praise.
LikeLike
Pingback: Poetry Friday: In My Stead – A(nother) Year of Reading
Dear Rose, thank you for sharing that pic again! And your ribbon of light…love! xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Irene.
LikeLike
Rose, your poem is sublime with its picture of morning at the beach.
“Morning mist casts a shroud of uncertainty
over possibility”. While in Cape May, I was captivated by the fog in the early morning. I also loved your insertion of the word, pause.
“A pause to breathe, to set intentions,
to rekindle what we know to be true
before the ribbon of light rips through”
This stanza has set the tone for a peaceful morning. Thanks for hosting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Carol.
LikeLike
Really love this opening, Rose. The long-i’s and your pauses haave the effect of placing me right there aat the edge of the water in this gorgeous morning.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Patricia.
LikeLike
Rose, thank you for hosting today. I appreciated reading about your process for working on line breaks. It makes me want to learn more. I like how “possibility” is there on that short line.
You have made such effective word choice in your poem! “not-quite light” and “moon-cooled” and then when the sun comes–“the ribbon of light rips through” “rising to begin” Wow!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Denise.
LikeLike
In the not-quite light
I stride to the edge of the sea
where tide meets moon-cooled sand.
Oooh, I’ve been there, I’ve felt that. Beautiful, Rose.
Thanks, too, for hosting!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Karen.
LikeLike
Pingback: Poetry Friday: Feelin’ Funky – The Apples in My Orchard
Wow! Rose, I love this poem and the breaks you’ve chosen. This is something I definitely need work on. Thanks for the book recommendation. I will look for it. Thanks for hosting!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for reading, Carol.
LikeLike
What a lovely poem, Rose! And the line breaks worked beautifully for breath-breaks as I read it. I recently took Billy Collins’ Masterclass, and he talked about how he writes in prose initially, and then goes back to adjust or discover the line breaks. I’m really enjoying working that way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m finding it very helpful, too.
LikeLike
Love your poem and the photo, especially these lines:
“A pause to breathe, to set intentions,
to rekindle what we know to be true”
Such a lovely day-beginning! Thanks for hosting!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Ramona.
LikeLike
Pingback: A Wordle Poem | Nix the comfort zone
Your poem is gorgeous, Rose, and I love knowing more about your creative process. So many words, phrases and lines sang for me. The repeated sounds and overall rhythm were spot on. Thanks for sharing the beauty of your dawn experience and for hosting this week.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Molly.
LikeLike
there is so much drama in waiting for something to happen. The sun appearing is the ticking clock of the poem that propels us forward. Such a gorgeous moment waiting for the beauty of that! Thanks for hosting and also your comments about the writing process.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Janice.
LikeLike